ILANA HOFFMANN
 

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A COLLECTION OF LOSS 

Looking for Signs

 

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I thought I could bring him back with the date nut squares,

Or the smell of the kasha. 

I thought I could bring him back when I washed his pajamas,

Or maybe,

when I sat in his closet.

I thought I could bring him back with the new windows, 

the new towels, 

Maybe, 

the new phone number.

I thought I could bring him back with the pictures, the music, 

Perhaps the balloon.

I thought I could bring him back with the stones, the candles, 

the weeds that turned into flowers.

I thought I could bring him back with laughter…

with anger, with tears,

Or when I went silent.

Surely, 

I thought,

I could bring him back in my dreams.